Have you ever felt emotionally distant from your parents? You feel like they don’t connect with you emotionally and have a better understanding of others’ feelings than yours. Chances are, you most probably grew up with emotionally immature parents.
You care about them and have a fleeting desire to be close to them. However, you have a ‘push-me, pull-me relationship’ with them that frustrates you.
Let’s explore the signs of emotionally immature parents, how to recognize them, and what to do about it.
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What are the Signs of Emotionally Immature Parents?
Emotionally immature parents leave a trail of signs behind them. Some of them could be:
1- You Feel Emotional Loneliness Around Them
Being raised by emotionally immature parents increases your emotional isolation.
Even though they are present physically, you feel abandoned emotionally. You sense a family connection with them, but you feel isolated.
Your parents may enjoy giving you instructions, but they are uncomfortable with emotional nurturing. They may provide excellent care when you are sick but cannot console you for damaged emotions and broken heart.
As a result, you feel emotional loneliness and awkwardness around them.
2- Your Interactions Feel One-Sided
Emotionally immature parents lack empathy and have a self-absorbed nature. That’s why you may feel interactions with them are one-sided.
They usually talk over you, change the subject, begin talking about themselves, or ignore what you say.
Fun Fact: Children of such parents know more about their parents’ problems than their parents do.
They will want your attention when unhappy, yet they will hardly listen to your plight. They frequently give quick fixes, assure you that nothing will happen to worry you, or even become frustrated with you for being sad.
3- You Feel Trapped
Your parents try to urge you to put them first and give them control of every situation. They may use fear, shame, guilt to force you to comply with their demands.
This may seem like manipulation, but your parents are actually using deception. They will do anything to feel more secure and protected, without conseidring the emotional damage it will do to you.
4- They Always Come First, Not You
Parents with emotional immaturity are self-referential. It means they continuously think about themselves. They anticipate that you will put your needs second to theirs.
They put their own interests above yours to the point where it feels demeaning. They don’t seek an equal partnership. They seek unquestioning loyalty to their demand that their needs come first.
You might feel insecure if your parent isn’t willing to prioritise meeting your emotional needs.
5- They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
They believe that having limits means you don’t care about them enough to allow them unrestricted access to your life.
Emotionally immature parents look for powerful and privileged positions where they are free to ignore other people’s boundaries.
6- You Feel Like Losing Your Mental Freedom
You parents don’t care about what’s going on inside of you since they consider you as an extension of themselves.
Instead, they assert that they alone have the authority to determine whether your feelings are justified or not.
Your emotional independence, freedom, and right to express yourself are not respected by them. They respond with shock and disgust if you have opinions that they find offensive since they want your thoughts to reflect theirs.
Recommended Read: How to Stop Overthinking?
7- Your Parents are Killjoys
Emotionless parents may be terrible pessimists, both to their kids and to others.
They don’t enjoy other people’s happiness since they don’t often relate to other people’s emotions. Your parents may act in ways that lessen their child’s sense of accomplishment rather than celebrating it.
They are also known for crushing their kids’ hopes by bringing up the realities of adulthood.
How to Deal with Emotionally Immature Parents?
All the signs of emotionally immature parents show how terrible it could be to live with them and tolerate such immaturity every day. So, what can you do about it?
Here are some ways to handle your parents:
Use Your Mind
It is much safer to maintain emotional distance from these parents than to attempt to engage them.
You won’t be their emotional victim any longer if you use your functional thoughts rather than your emotional reactivity.
Ms. Ayesha Umer, a qualified Psychologist with eight years of experience, says you become liberated from the need for their acceptance by seeing their self-preoccupation and control techniques.
Express and Let Go
Realising that trying to achieve a gratifying answer from your parent won’t work is one of the hardest realisations.
Saying what you need to communicate in an intimate, unambiguous manner while letting go of any expectation that they will change is much more effective.
Whether or not people respond favourably, you can boost your confidence by practising speaking up in a calm manner.
Moreover, you can recommend your parents to go for couple therapy.
Focus on the Outcome, Not the Relationship
From an emotionally immature parent, you cannot expect empathy or fairness. Instead of attempting to strengthen the friendship, focus on the exact result you want.
Keep in mind that these parents are terrified of anything that involves emotional intimacy.
Determine the precise result you want, then keep working towards it. For example, you can want an apology but not a change of heart.
Manage Stuff, Don’t Engage
Instead than simply responding to what the parent says, control the conversation.
Set clear objectives for the subject and time frame, and direct the conversation in the direction you want it to go. If you allow them to dictate the pace, you’ll feel exhausted and resentful.
These parents won’t interact with you; instead, they’ll dominate with their most important concerns, personal grudges, or unmet wants.
Don’t let their complaints or critiques divert your attention.
What to Do When You Feel Frustrated with Your Parents?
Parents that lack emotional maturity will drive you crazy if you take their age for psychological maturity. Their insensitivities will start to hurt a little less if you admit that you might have outgrown them developmentally a long time ago.
However, if your relationship with your parents is making you stressed, anxious, and depressed, don’t hesitate to reach out to the best psychologists in Lahore for consultation.
